Thank you for flying Air Zoback

Most of you are familiar with Scott Zoback from the pages of Worcester Magazine. Now familiarize yourself with Scot Zoback as a guy who got stuck on a flight where a naked guy had to be subdued by a professional soccer team. Here’s the email dispatch from the field:

From: szoback@gmail.com
Subject: Nudity on planes is for lovers. Only.
Date: July 19, 2008 12:13:23 PM EDT
To: buckpaxton@gmail.com

You guys remember that scene in “Airplane” when the naked chick runs in front of the camera with her boobs all-a-bouncin? Great times.

Except when it happens in real life.

I was on a flight from Boston to LA yesterday that was already pretty interesting—the couple next to me had gotten off the flight before it started after the woman freaked out that she couldn’t fly, hyperventilated, cried, and bolted off the plane. Her husband debated with me what to do, (I suggested Valim), and eventually left with her. They were on their way to a honeymoon in Honolulu.

So we’re somewhere about halfway across the country when a guy comes out of the bathroom in his full on birthday suit, strolling back to his seat like it’s the most natural thing in the world. A New England Revolution official (oh, right…they were on the plane) stops the dude, eventually convinces him to get dressed (at one point they threw a blanket over him in his seat) and he goes back to the lav. He comes out again, and 15 minutes later makes a beeline for the exit door….the GM, a couple other Revs officials and a flight attendent “subdue” the guy. The pilot locks down the cabin, and immediately lands us in OK City which, from the sky, looks every bit as boring as I anticipated.

Anyway, they were pretty quick about getting us on to LA, although some people missed connections. I made mine to Monterey, CA…only to have them almost not land us because of the ongoing forest fires.

You can read the full story at the Boston Globe (bonus: story written by Milton Valencia, who I boxed for charity in 2006).

And thank you for flying Air Zoback.

link to the AP version of events.

July 19, 2008 | Filed Under The Big Woo, humor | 2 Comments 

The Rod Sterling Memorial Garage

Congratulations on the new Union Station garage, Worcester, very nice. Two questions…

1. If the garage is automated, meaning you pay at a machine, why is it only open between 6 AM and midnight? Why bother closing it at all?

2. What is so fundamentally broken about us Worcesterites that everything needs an explanation? It’s an automated garage which requires a person to explain the automated part, that’s a joke right? Sometimes I feel like I may be the only person in town who has traveled beyond 290 in the last decade (But I know that isn’t the case since I saw Joe Petty on the Pike this morning and his car has a luggage rack on the trunk which is pretty awesome in my book). At least this partly explains why Union Station went so long without an ATM; they probably couldn’t find anyone to explain how it worked.

July 14, 2008 | Filed Under The Big Woo, redevelopment, transit | 1 Comment 

Fridays news today

It’s Monday, but I’m just noticing a story that ran in the Telegram on Friday. My own fault to be sure, I’m always playing catch up on local business news. I’m confused though, how this story didn’t get front page, above the fold placement? Check this headline:

Condos’ developer wants to liquidate
Foreclosure hits University Park

Many of us who spend too much time online have been watching this drama unfold via the University Park Lofts blog. It would stand to reason if the developer of a 37 unit condominium project, 25 of which were foreclosed on, files for Chapter 7 it would be more worthy of front page real estate than this follow up piece on arson in Northboro.

Who is the Telegram writing for again?

July 14, 2008 | Filed Under The Big Woo, economy, redevelopment, telegram | 1 Comment 

A blunderbuss for Breault and Babs

Recently I’ve been critical of the kid gloves writers the T&G have used to handle William Breault, Barbara Haller and the (nonexistent) Main South Alliance for Public Safety, hopefully todays commentary by Robert Nemeth is a sign those gloves are coming off.

The latest display of astonishing callousness in the face of a public health emergency came from City Councilor Barbara Haller and William Breault, a self-appointed community activist who uses demagoguery and intimidation to get his way. Under the pretext of protecting public safety, they have led opposition to measures designed to help people endangered by drug addiction, mental illness, homelessness and related problems, causing considerable harm over the years. But this time they went too far.

Excellent.

link

July 13, 2008 | Filed Under Team Batshitinsane, The Big Woo, massachusetts, politics, telegram | 1 Comment 

William Breault: Stupidest man in Worcester, Part 4

Worcesters favorite mustachioed super hero has taken his side show on the road. First stop The Berkshires! Ellen G. Lahr, reporter for the Berkshire Eagle, was kind enough to sit in as Breaults away team straight man for this interview and did she shine. But, as we must do in a day and age when newspapers lack funding for fact checkers, let’s pull out the red pen together and clean up Bills mistakes for the Eagle staff.

He said the decriminalization effort is at sharp odds with evidence that marijuana use, particularly among teens, carries more health risks than it did years ago, when the drug had less concentrations of THC, the main psychoactive component of pot.

What Billy means to say is, according to US Government research THC toxicity in humans would require consumption of 1500 pounds in under 15 minutes. In other words, the artificial sweetener you used in your coffee this morning still poses much greater health risks than Marijuana.

Breault said that in his Worcester neighborhood, he’s seen people robbed, injured and killed over marijuana, and with decriminalization, those problems could escalate.

What Billy means here is, he’s full of shit. He’s trying the best he can to make sense of a world that is simply far too confusing for him. What Billy sees in his neighborhood is people robbed, injured, and killed over money. Marijuana is a mostly worthless plant. It can be grown pretty much anywhere on earth with even the poorest of soil conditions. You could throw seeds into just about any urban alleyway and see successful germination. It’s really quite amazing and should make marijuana no more valuable than heirloom tomatoes. Because prohibition has led to increased risk in trafficking, marijuana has increased in value artificially as a commodity. Its value is determined by availability. We’re not just talking about price here. Prices of marijuana are actually relatively low. Its overall risk (imprisonment, loss of employment and asset forfeiture) that raises value as a commodity when prohibition is figured in. If criminal penalties for marijuana are removed for simple possession of under an once, Billy looses one of his best lies to throw around; that drugs and violence are forever married, when history has shown us it is prohibition and violence which can’t be separated.

Marijuana use cited in emergency room admissions is on the rise nationally, Breault said.

This is where Bills ignorance shines. If you go to an ER with an overdose, you’re asked what drugs you use and are using. Since marijuana use is so prevalent, of course more people report using it. But it’s not the reason they’re in the ER. This is one of those lines of reasoning you have to be a total douchbag to fall into. There are no marijuana overdoses, or even medical emergencies, period.

And contrary to what the Boston group states, he claimed that few, if any, inmates in the state’s jails are sent there for minor marijuana possession alone; in local courts, it’s not uncommon for first-time possession offenders to receive an eventual dismissal of the charges, with no criminal record resulting.

This red herring is either evidence that Bill may not be a complete moron, or he’s such a moron he can’t follow his own bull shit anymore. If we do in-fact have a system where simple possession results in dismissal, why wouldn’t that be cause enough for decriminalization? Do we simply enjoy wasting money on arrests and court proceedings?

The National Institute on Drug Abuse states that THC increases the heart rate.

I just finished my second cup of coffee and can actually see my heart beating against my chest wall. Can’t remember a single time where smoking weed has resulted in a rapid heart rate, your millage may vary. If this is a sign of the desperation the prohibition crowd is feeling, the Committee for a Sensible Marijuana Policy should be proud.

A recent Yale University study also showed that THC administered to 150 health volunteers led to psychotic symptoms in 50 percent of them.

Sort of. First of all, this study is over a year old. Maybe news just travels slowly to the Berkshires. The important factor of this research is the involvement of schizophrenics. The Yale folks were trying to judge the effects of marijuana on schizophrenics whose symptoms were controlled. The “psychotic symptoms” reported were hallucinations and paranoia. This is where medicine and the real world start the diverge briefly. For a sober person to experience hallucinations and unprovoked paranoia you have “psychotic symptoms”. If a marijuana smoker experiences hallucinations and paranoia, you simply have a person who should be smoking indicas as opposed to sativas or at the very least an indica dominate hybrid. So parents, don’t worry about your kids going psychotic, they already know this.

Capeless said his overriding concern is that the ballot measure “sends the wrong message to kids,” who in general have been reporting less marijuana use in recent years.

Berkshire County District Attorney David Capeless is a dick. You know what really sends the wrong message to kids, Dave? Asset forfeiture and using them as tools to snitch on their parents. Fuck you.

Part 1
Part 2
Part 3

Big thank you to a certain Taxi Guy for bringing this Eagle story to our attention.

July 12, 2008 | Filed Under Team Batshitinsane, The Big Woo, massachusetts, newspapers, politics | Leave a Comment 

Traffic cameras are about money, not safety. Fact.

Today, Clive McFarlane jumped into the T&G private/public PR partnership with the city of Worcester and boy, does he sound silly. Here’s the thing, when the keystone to your premise is a quote from some guy which just happens to be a logical fallacy, the argument starts to look a little shaky.

As Blackstone Police Chief Ross A. Atstupenas said, “If people are abiding by the law, then you don’t have to worry about it.”

See Clive, the problem with that line of reasoning is People like Ross are in a position to constantly be changing the definition of what is and is not legal. Clearly Blackstone Police Chief Ross Atstupenas is not concerned with the rule of law, he himself has been found in violation of Massachusetts ethics code in his role as Chief. Is this really the guy we want deciding what we should and shouldn’t be worried about?

http://www.mass.gov/ethics/DA_Atstupenas.pdf

More to the point, the legal system in the US is not a series of either/or choices. This line of reasoning as presented by Ross assumes either you are guilty of something and therefore should be exposed or you are innocent and therefore have nothing to fear, simple logic demands we have at least a third component which is an expectation of privacy. This is when the Chiefs jump in and yell ‘but you’re in public and have no expectation of privacy’ and they’re mostly correct, however reasonable people agree that constant scrutiny is in fact an invasion of privacy. Would Chief Atstupenas or Worcester Police Chief Geme send one of their officers out to constantly follow a single resident, without cause, wait for that individual to do something illegal and haul them in? Would any of us put up with that sort of scrutiny? Would either Chief be comfortable with a resident following every action of one of their officers? How is this any different? The rule of law, in this country any way, demands all burden be placed on the accuser, not the accused. Any sort of constant surveillance without cause violates the spirit of our expectation of privacy, which is also the expectation to be free of constant scrutiny.

The simple fact is Law Enforcement is viewed by most municipalities as a viable source of revenue generation. There is no safety component to these minor motor vehicle violations. There is however a huge problem with the lack of engineering that goes into both the timing of lights and layouts of all Worcesters major intersections, but fixing that problem costs more and saves nothing. The sad thing is, even in the face of solid research showing traffic signals and signs cause more problems then they solve, Worcester is moving forward with this camera system on the false premise they make us safer. You’ve got nothing to hide, Worcester, so just OBEY. K?

July 9, 2008 | Filed Under The Big Woo, massachusetts, politics, telegram, transit | 2 Comments 

William Breault: Stupidest man in Worcester, part 3

In today’s T&G a story about the apparent success of the cities new Yellow Boxes for needle disposal. Billy, what do you have to say on the matter?

“I haven’t found an environmentally or socially conscious drug addict”

link
He’s making it too easy folks.

I tried finding people with either an environmental or social component to their fame, I’ll happily entertain criticisms or make adjustments to the list via comments. Why the T&G keeps printing his crap is beyond me but it really makes them appear lazy to anyone who made it through second grade.

Part 1
Part 2

July 8, 2008 | Filed Under Team Batshitinsane, The Big Woo, entertainment, massachusetts, politics | 6 Comments 

Maxwell Silverman’s invades Union Station

Seems like a mostly good idea, even if the nepotism boarders on grotesque. I just hope the city administration and Mr Giordano realize the true potential of Union Station and keep the disco balls at Maxwell Silvermans.

The five-year lease, with a five-year renewal option, calls for Mr. Giordano to operate Maxwell Silverman’s Banquet and Conference Center and Luciano’s Café in 5,000 square-feet of first floor space formerly occupied by The Restaurant at Union Station. The restaurant closed last August.

link

July 2, 2008 | Filed Under The Big Woo, night life, redevelopment, transit | 1 Comment 

Outlawing the future

Looks like some new water colors are in order! I can only imagine this rendering from the official City Square website was created in error. To think Berkley Investments would suggest street vendors could actually play a role in the revitalization of Downtown Worcester. Who do these people think they are? Urban planners!?!! Look how smug that cartoon vendor lady looks as she steals business from legitimate brick and mortars! The nerve.

June 23, 2008 | Filed Under The Big Woo, economy, politics, redevelopment | 4 Comments 

A stupid week of stupid

Wow. This was a hell of a week for those of us who enjoy a good laugh at the expense of local elected officials and other public figures. At last count Worcester took exactly 32 baby steps backward this week, leaving us approximately in 1957. Good work Worcester!
Here’s the highlight reel:

Billy and Babs Up in Smoke
The Wheeler & Woolsey of the Worcester Temperance Movement, Billy Breault and Barbara Haller saw by far the most action this week. Not ones to settle with forcing a private business to pay police to patrol public ways the pair found the time to draft a letter to a whole bunch of local officials regarding the use of Narcan to keep people alive. The letter is ultimately an exercise in patience. If you could imagine an early alchemist attempting to debate a modern day theoretical physicist in the basic principals of the universe; thats essentially what this letter is. Two people so completely ignorant of the world they live in you almost have to begin questioning their sanity. Heres the letter for those interested parties.

Street meat forced to beat feet
The city council is working on some cockamamie plan to ban/limit food venders around the city. This may go down as both the silliest and eventually most anti-buisness decision to roll out of council chambers this year. The city is fortunate to have Councilors Rosen and Rushton challenging this matter, but the reality is they’re alone in their fight. The plan is nothing more than a way to get rid of a few problem entities without engaging in creative thought; something the administration seems to be finding difficult these days. The most interesting part of this plan is the way its being justified as protectionist, favoring established brick and mortar business. That really speaks volumes to the way our local leaders view our local restaurants. If Councilor Palmieri believes someone could be about to walk into the Chop House on Shrewsbury St only to divert to a water-dog cart and end up canceling their reservations… Well maybe local restauranteurs might want to ask Phil to stop doing them any favors, it doesn’t say much for your fillet. Mayor Lukes is even more illogical saying if we don’t do something we’ll end up with empty store fronts. Maybe Konnie is hanging out in different parts of town than me… BUT THE STOREFRONTS HAVE BEEN EMPTY FOR 20 FUCKING YEARS! And she thinks a fucking Super Pretzel is going to send everyone packing? Way to stay in touch with the city.

New recycling vendor will save the city money! Sweet!
No word on whether I’ll still be buying the most expensive trash bags on the planet based on the cost of the old vendor! Booo!

When is a band actually a band?
Although it was reported nowhere, I have it on good authority that the License Commission decided this past week that at least in the case of the Emerald Isle, an acoustic act that is run through an amplifier is no longer acoustic. No really, they said that.

The most expensive Mercedes in town
We’ll let poet laureate Billy Breault sum this debacle up.

“I hope you close him. I hope you keep him to two officers. I hope he goes out of business.”

Thanks Billy, keep it classy.

Stop having sex on my lawn
The Q. Never heard of it? Well, it’s a really neat little coffee shop where young people hang out. For us old kids in the room, think the Coffee Kingdom in the early ’90’s. Well the neighbors on chandler street don’t think it’s fun at all. We’re guessing they’re AARP members. If the license commission wanted to take a logical approach they would ask the police in attendance why there have been no arrests for public sex at the Q instead of just taking a neighbors word that it happened. The police claim “more than 50″ complaints. Well thats great, but how many arrests? These are old people, all they do is complain.

Papers please
Running a livery in Worcester just became an exercise in civil liberties. According to Worcester Magazine liveries now have a dress code: no swimwear, bathing suits, jogging shorts, or torn or ripped shorts. They can’t have external markings that would distinguish them from private vehicle (which is simply silly and to prove it I’m going hang a livery magnet on the door of my private vehicle and just not pick anyone up). They can only take payment by check, credit card or U.S. mail billing. Which is a direct attack at the poor in the city and before you call me on that name for me the bank anywhere in the Main South or Beacon Brightly districts issuing these credit cards and checks? I have three banks within a 5min walk of my house in tatnuck, there are no financial institutions in the areas serviced by these liveries. And the kicker…

All taxis and livery vehicles are subject to random spot checks at any time or location and taxi and livery drivers must all keep a daily log of all pickups; livery drivers only are required to note the name and number of all passengers. All logs must be kept for two years, and must be made available to any police officer upon request.

Thats the best excuse I’ve seen in years to get a professional set of fake papers. I think I’m going to go out this week and get me a nice Brazilian passport just for kicks.

Well. There’s a week in Worcester for you. A a semi related note. CVS has a sale this week on 4 packs of D-cell alkaline Batteries. Nothing tells a local official how you really feel, like throwing D-cell’s through the windows of City Hall while council is in session. Now I would never suggest that is the right thing to do… but we certainly are running out of things we CAN do, so don’t write it off just yet.

June 22, 2008 | Filed Under The Big Woo, entertainment, fashion, food, humor, massachusetts, newspapers, night life, politics, transit | 4 Comments 

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