Thank you for flying Air Zoback
Most of you are familiar with Scott Zoback from the pages of Worcester Magazine. Now familiarize yourself with Scot Zoback as a guy who got stuck on a flight where a naked guy had to be subdued by a professional soccer team. Here’s the email dispatch from the field:
From: szoback@gmail.com
Subject: Nudity on planes is for lovers. Only.
Date: July 19, 2008 12:13:23 PM EDT
To: buckpaxton@gmail.comYou guys remember that scene in “Airplane” when the naked chick runs in front of the camera with her boobs all-a-bouncin? Great times.
Except when it happens in real life.
I was on a flight from Boston to LA yesterday that was already pretty interesting—the couple next to me had gotten off the flight before it started after the woman freaked out that she couldn’t fly, hyperventilated, cried, and bolted off the plane. Her husband debated with me what to do, (I suggested Valim), and eventually left with her. They were on their way to a honeymoon in Honolulu.
So we’re somewhere about halfway across the country when a guy comes out of the bathroom in his full on birthday suit, strolling back to his seat like it’s the most natural thing in the world. A New England Revolution official (oh, right…they were on the plane) stops the dude, eventually convinces him to get dressed (at one point they threw a blanket over him in his seat) and he goes back to the lav. He comes out again, and 15 minutes later makes a beeline for the exit door….the GM, a couple other Revs officials and a flight attendent “subdue” the guy. The pilot locks down the cabin, and immediately lands us in OK City which, from the sky, looks every bit as boring as I anticipated.
Anyway, they were pretty quick about getting us on to LA, although some people missed connections. I made mine to Monterey, CA…only to have them almost not land us because of the ongoing forest fires.
You can read the full story at the Boston Globe (bonus: story written by Milton Valencia, who I boxed for charity in 2006).
And thank you for flying Air Zoback.
link to the AP version of events.
A stupid week of stupid
Wow. This was a hell of a week for those of us who enjoy a good laugh at the expense of local elected officials and other public figures. At last count Worcester took exactly 32 baby steps backward this week, leaving us approximately in 1957. Good work Worcester!
Here’s the highlight reel:
Billy and Babs Up in Smoke
The Wheeler & Woolsey of the Worcester Temperance Movement, Billy Breault and Barbara Haller saw by far the most action this week. Not ones to settle with forcing a private business to pay police to patrol public ways the pair found the time to draft a letter to a whole bunch of local officials regarding the use of Narcan to keep people alive. The letter is ultimately an exercise in patience. If you could imagine an early alchemist attempting to debate a modern day theoretical physicist in the basic principals of the universe; thats essentially what this letter is. Two people so completely ignorant of the world they live in you almost have to begin questioning their sanity. Heres the letter for those interested parties.
Street meat forced to beat feet
The city council is working on some cockamamie plan to ban/limit food venders around the city. This may go down as both the silliest and eventually most anti-buisness decision to roll out of council chambers this year. The city is fortunate to have Councilors Rosen and Rushton challenging this matter, but the reality is they’re alone in their fight. The plan is nothing more than a way to get rid of a few problem entities without engaging in creative thought; something the administration seems to be finding difficult these days. The most interesting part of this plan is the way its being justified as protectionist, favoring established brick and mortar business. That really speaks volumes to the way our local leaders view our local restaurants. If Councilor Palmieri believes someone could be about to walk into the Chop House on Shrewsbury St only to divert to a water-dog cart and end up canceling their reservations… Well maybe local restauranteurs might want to ask Phil to stop doing them any favors, it doesn’t say much for your fillet. Mayor Lukes is even more illogical saying if we don’t do something we’ll end up with empty store fronts. Maybe Konnie is hanging out in different parts of town than me… BUT THE STOREFRONTS HAVE BEEN EMPTY FOR 20 FUCKING YEARS! And she thinks a fucking Super Pretzel is going to send everyone packing? Way to stay in touch with the city.
New recycling vendor will save the city money! Sweet!
No word on whether I’ll still be buying the most expensive trash bags on the planet based on the cost of the old vendor! Booo!
When is a band actually a band?
Although it was reported nowhere, I have it on good authority that the License Commission decided this past week that at least in the case of the Emerald Isle, an acoustic act that is run through an amplifier is no longer acoustic. No really, they said that.
The most expensive Mercedes in town
We’ll let poet laureate Billy Breault sum this debacle up.
“I hope you close him. I hope you keep him to two officers. I hope he goes out of business.”
Thanks Billy, keep it classy.
Stop having sex on my lawn
The Q. Never heard of it? Well, it’s a really neat little coffee shop where young people hang out. For us old kids in the room, think the Coffee Kingdom in the early ’90’s. Well the neighbors on chandler street don’t think it’s fun at all. We’re guessing they’re AARP members. If the license commission wanted to take a logical approach they would ask the police in attendance why there have been no arrests for public sex at the Q instead of just taking a neighbors word that it happened. The police claim “more than 50″ complaints. Well thats great, but how many arrests? These are old people, all they do is complain.
Papers please
Running a livery in Worcester just became an exercise in civil liberties. According to Worcester Magazine liveries now have a dress code: no swimwear, bathing suits, jogging shorts, or torn or ripped shorts. They can’t have external markings that would distinguish them from private vehicle (which is simply silly and to prove it I’m going hang a livery magnet on the door of my private vehicle and just not pick anyone up). They can only take payment by check, credit card or U.S. mail billing. Which is a direct attack at the poor in the city and before you call me on that name for me the bank anywhere in the Main South or Beacon Brightly districts issuing these credit cards and checks? I have three banks within a 5min walk of my house in tatnuck, there are no financial institutions in the areas serviced by these liveries. And the kicker…
All taxis and livery vehicles are subject to random spot checks at any time or location and taxi and livery drivers must all keep a daily log of all pickups; livery drivers only are required to note the name and number of all passengers. All logs must be kept for two years, and must be made available to any police officer upon request.
Thats the best excuse I’ve seen in years to get a professional set of fake papers. I think I’m going to go out this week and get me a nice Brazilian passport just for kicks.
Well. There’s a week in Worcester for you. A a semi related note. CVS has a sale this week on 4 packs of D-cell alkaline Batteries. Nothing tells a local official how you really feel, like throwing D-cell’s through the windows of City Hall while council is in session. Now I would never suggest that is the right thing to do… but we certainly are running out of things we CAN do, so don’t write it off just yet.
Some things are better left unexplained
Pigeon-cam
Since it will probably be gone by the time anyone reads this, here’s a screencap of what appears to be a pigeons ass blocking the view of city hall.
Dukes of Worcester
Anyone out there know who these guys are? My new local heros.
Osama Team Hunger Force
Words to live by.
“Good food, cold beer and pretty girls never go out of style.”
CLANG CLANG CLANG goes the panzer!
Yes that’s Hitler…
Yes, Hitler is wearing a dress…
Yes, Hitler is singing show tunes about being gay…
It’s Monday, cut me some slack.
Every city council needs one
Lactose tolerant
So a few months back I was contacted by a journalist from the San Fransisco Chronicle who was working on a story about the illicit on line trade in breast milk. I’m sure most of you are at this point wondering why a journalist from one of the countries largest newspapers would contact me of all people for such a story, its a fair question.
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