Last one out turn off the lights
A Palestinian scholar of the Koran and quite possibly a consumer of copious amounts of opium, Ziad Silwadi, would like all of us here in the US to cancel our vacation plans for the 2007 summer holiday season. Why, you ask? Well because according to the Koran, the US will cease to exist in 2007 ya big dummy.
“The tsunami waves are a minor rehearsal in comparison with what awaits the US in 2007,” the researcher concluded in his study. “The Holy Koran warns against the Omnipotent Allah’s force. A great sin will cause a huge flood in the Atlantic and Pacific oceans.”
“It would be fair to say that the world would be better off with a US that is not a superpower and that does not take advantage of weak nations than a world where this country does not exist at all,” he added. “The world will certainly lose a lot if and when this disaster occurs because of the great services that American society has rendered to the economy, industry and science.”
As an example, he quotes in his study verse 40 of the Spider Sura, which states: “So each We [God] punished for his sin; of them was he on whom We sent down a violent storm, and of them was he whom the rumbling overtook, and of them was he whom We made to be swallowed up by the earth, and of them he whom We drowned; and it did not beseem Allah that He should be unjust to them, but they were unjust to their own souls.”
Well that’s nice. I’m sure the fanatic wing of the greater Muslim world will respond kindly to the news. No word yet from Allen Greenspan in regards to the economic forecast, post costal cleansing.
Personally I’m going to hold out for the civilization ending calamity predicted by the Mayan calendar in 2012 which falls smack dab in the middle of the Christmas shopping season.
But does it tickle?
As a follow up to my earlier post regarding proper hair styling for the new millennium, I would ask that you point your browsers to the official World Beard and Moustache Championships site. This most important competition pits the best of the best in severely outdated men’s grooming against one another in Berlin, Germany Saturday, October 1 2005. Please mark your calendars appropriately.
link
The chop shop of blog design
Three of the people who I have linked in the old link list, Linnea, Peter and Andrew, are all using blogs designed by Blogudio a Boston based custom blog shop. Think pimp my ride for the web set.
The only reason I’m posting this is in the hopes that they will see the millions of hits in referral traffic and do up RB for free. wink*wink nudge*nudge
One more use for duct tape
While there is nothing funny about the death of a duct tape factory worker, the thought of a flaming ball of duct tape rocketing into the stratosphere has me choking on my own cud right now.
An explosion late Wednesday rocked a plant that makes duct tape, shooting a fireball into the air and shaking homes a mile away. One employee was killed, officials said.
Worcester Parking
Reading yesterdays Worcester T&G, there is a front page article regarding parking in the Shrewsbury St. restaurant district. Even if you’re not familiar with the area, I’m sure you’re familiar with the problem. Most city’s that have attempted to make a transition from their old industrial roots to a more modern, somewhat cosmopolitan area find problems in the city’s original design that causes difficulty for outsiders trying to make use of an area. Boston’s North End is a similar example, with plenty to do, but up until recently no easy way to get in and partake. The fix in the North End was valet parking and it would seem like this would be the easy fix here as well. If one or two large, central parking lots were built in the downtown area and one company was charged with valet parking, it is conceivable that you could leave your car with a valet station at just about any of the downtown venues and forget about it. When the time comes, since your car was parked in a central garage and the same company was charged with its care it wouldn’t matter where you ended up, just turn your ticket in and take delivery. Solved.
Ask Paxton: What should I do with my hair?
Ok, so I have yet to receive a single question to answer in my new Q&A feature. This poses a problem, if there are no questions I can give no answers. So I have decided to ask myself a question in hopes that things might pick up a notch. With that I present to you the first installment of ‘Ask Paxton’.
Dear Paxton, my hair is kind of boring. Of all the possible hairstyles available to me as a citizen of the US, I can’t decide on the one that will make me feel whole. What should I do with my hair so that I can truly experience the American dream and bang strippers?
Sincerely,
Make Believe Answer Seeker
Dear Make Believe Answer Seeker,
I am familiar with approximately 87% of all known hairstyles so you have come to the right place. First off lets go through the styles of hair you should avoid.
1. The comb over. Don’t do that, the reasons should be obvious.
2. Also try to avoid any Emo hairstyles as your hair should not have its own emotion. Hair that looks sad will surely make those around you sad. Strippers hate being sad.
3. Any form of mowhawk should be avoided. The more old school native American hawk also popular with SoCal punk kids is retarded and does not make you look tough. It only makes you look like an anti-social boob; Strippers like coke and dancing, neither of which are traits common with anti-social boobs.
The more modern metro sexual mowhawk is also silly as it is just an offshoot of that thing Ferris Bueller did with his hair in the shower soliloquy of the movie of the same name and we all know biting the style of a movie character is blatantly wack.
That leaves us with only one option for your hair.
The Ring Head.
I have known only one man who has sported the ring head and survived to tell the tale, but since I can’t seem to find a photo I will describe it too you and then illustrate it in MS paint(the choice of design professionals). The ring head is accomplished by shaving both the front of the head and the rear, while leaving the middle region intact, as well as shaving your face except for a one inch strip that connects the side burns. The resulting hair cut resembles this:
This hairstyle, Make Believe Answer Seeker, will have you banging strippers in no time. Good Luck with your new doo.
Sincerely,
Paxton
See folks, wasn’t that easy? Next time maybe we can do it with a real person.
*UPDATE*
While I stand by my earlier claim that the ring head is the most bad ass of all known hair styles. I have since received word that the man earlier referred to as ‘the only person to sport the ring and survive’, has now developed a new hair style which may offer stiff competition to the ring.
Witness if you will:
‘The HandleBarRoom Brawl’ as worn by Mr. Lun-Bot-5
Well this explains just about everything
Dr. Edward Hallowell a psychiatrist specializing in ADD did a little interview with Alorie Gilbert over at news.com. Dr. Hallowell’s research is now focusing on ADT(attention deficit trait), which he says is the result of over exposure to all of the digital toys that make lives like mine worth living. Essentially Dr Hollowell is saying the more time I spend in front of a computer, the more I become a moron who’s skull is nothing more than a fancy Jello mold. Great news indeed!
Q: What is ADT?
Hallowell: It’s sort of like the normal version of attention deficit disorder. But it’s a condition induced by modern life, in which you’ve become so busy attending to so many inputs and outputs that you become increasingly distracted, irritable, impulsive, restless and, over the long term, underachieving. In other words, it costs you efficiency because you’re doing so much or trying to do so much, it’s as if you’re juggling one more ball than you possibly can.
RB presents: ASK PAXTON
I’ve decide to incorporate an advice feature to RadioBall. Since it is widely known that I have an answer for everything, at least that’s what my grandmother used to tell me, I have not given much back to society in the form of advice dealing with life’s pressing issues of the day.
So in an effort to make the world a better place, I offer you gentle reader, my brain to pick at. All questions will be fielded fairly. No topic will be considered off topic.
If you have a question, I have your answer.
So feel free to ‘Ask Paxton’ by submitting your questions, in English, to: paxton @ radioball dot net
I look forward to hearing from you.
Linnea Dates
An acquaintance of mine, the always lovely Linnea, has found what most of us discover eventually. You can only bang so many random people in bars before something starts to itch. So with the help of some mad genius types, she has taken the show to the ‘nets. Currently circulating her profile via multiple dating websites and accepting applications through her own site, Linnea is documenting the whole experience via her blog. Some of this material is priceless. And she’s cute, worth checkin out.
After about two tall drafts my date seems a little less put together. He begins slurring a little bit and saying the f-word quite a bit more. At first I think maybe he is just getting really comfortable with me. I definitely catch him checking out my boobs on a few occasions as well, but I can forgive that, he’s just checking out the goods.
whoa.
I just watched a really expensive laptop get half a corona dumped on its face and then die. When I say watched, I mean I was sitting within 2 feet or so. I don’t think anything so tragic has happened right before my eyes. Previously, I believed watching a stranger die slowly was as tragic as it could get. I was wrong this was worse, much worse.
Oh, and just to qualify this is the kind of expensive were talking. link
Damm that was hard to watch.
